Restoring Sacred Priorities: Laying Down the Idol of Family

The moment my granddaughter, Lilly, was born, a new kind of joy filled my heart. She is precious beyond words, and I find myself telling everyone about her, sharing pictures, and delighting in her every milestone. The joy of children and family is one of God’s greatest blessings, a reflection of His love and goodness. However, as I reflect on this joy, I am also reminded of the importance of keeping family in its rightful place. While family is a gift, it was never meant to replace God in our lives. The danger comes when family becomes an idol, taking precedence over our relationship with God and His will for our lives.

When Family Becomes the Focus Over God

God created the family as a beautiful institution, but like all good things, it can become distorted when it takes the place of God. In today’s culture, it is not uncommon to see parents who revolve their entire existence around their children, ensuring they have everything they could possibly want. While it is natural for parents to want the best for their children, there is a fine line between healthy parental love and making children the center of their universe.

One of the ways this happens is through materialism. Parents sometimes feel pressured to provide their children with the best clothes, the newest technology, or extravagant experiences. While there is nothing inherently wrong with giving good gifts to our children, the Bible reminds us in Matthew 6:19-21 not to store up treasures on earth but rather to focus on eternal things. When parents prioritize worldly success and material comforts for their children over their spiritual growth, they are unknowingly setting them up with misplaced values.

Tim Keller puts it this way in Counterfeit Gods: “Idolatry is not just about bowing down to statues or worshiping false gods. It’s about turning good things into ultimate things. The family is one of those good things.” This reminds us that when we elevate family to an idol, we are giving it power and influence that it was never intended to hold.

The Idol of Activities

Another way family can become an idol is through over-involvement in extracurricular activities. Many young families today find themselves running from one practice to another, their schedules packed with sports, music lessons, academic clubs, and social events. These activities, while beneficial in many ways, can become a problem when they interfere with worship, fellowship, and time with God.

A common example is when families allow sports or weekend tournaments to replace Sunday worship. Many well-intentioned parents rationalize missing church by saying, “It’s just a season,” or “This is an important opportunity for our child.” However, what message does this send? If children are taught that their commitments take precedence over their faith, they will carry that mindset into adulthood. Proverbs 22:6 instructs us to “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” By prioritizing God over activities, we demonstrate to our children that He is the foundation of our lives, not just a part of it.

As Keller further explains, “If you make your family your idol, you will never love them in a healthy way. You will put demands on them that they cannot possibly meet, and you will likely harm them.” When family becomes an idol, the weight of our expectations can lead to unhealthy relationships, placing undue stress on loved ones.

The Impact on Marriage: Leaving and Cleaving

Family idolatry is not just limited to parents and children; it can also manifest in unhealthy family dynamics between married couples and their extended families. The Bible provides clear guidance on this in Genesis 2:24, stating that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This means that while family remains important, the primary earthly relationship after marriage should be between husband and wife.

Many marriages struggle because one or both spouses do not fully “leave and cleave.” When parents hold too tightly to their adult children or when married individuals continue to prioritize their parents’ opinions over their spouse, tension and division can arise. Similarly, couples who allow their children to dictate the home dynamics rather than maintaining a strong marital bond can find themselves disconnected and struggling in their relationship. Keeping a proper perspective on family means establishing healthy boundaries, ensuring that marriage remains a priority, and recognizing that while extended family is a blessing, it should not interfere with the marital covenant.

Longing for Family

While many celebrate the blessings of family, it is equally important to recognize the deep longing some experience for a spouse or children. In Christian communities marriage and parenthood are often seen as milestones that signify spiritual maturity or social fulfillment. This unspoken hierarchy can unintentionally alienate those who are single or childless, creating a sense that they are somehow incomplete or missing out on God’s best.

Scripture reminds us that our ultimate calling is not to a spouse or children. Rather, it is to Christ. While marriage and family are good gifts, they are not the goal of the Christian life. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul highlights the value of singleness as a means of undivided devotion to the Lord. Jesus, the most complete and fulfilled human who ever lived, was neither married nor a parent. This should challenge our assumptions about what a full and faithful life looks like.

When we view marriage and children as gifts rather than goals, we shift our posture from striving to receive to resting in God’s providence. We live with open hands, grateful for what God has given, yet not defined by what He has not. Whether we are surrounded by a bustling household or living quietly in singleness, our lives can be kingdom-oriented, purposeful, and deeply fulfilling when centered on Christ.

Keeping Family as a Gift, Not a God

Family is one of the greatest blessings God has given us. Psalm 127:3 states, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” There is deep joy in raising children, celebrating milestones, and cherishing the relationships we have with our loved ones. However, we must always remember that family is a gift, not the ultimate purpose of our existence. When we elevate family above God, we place an expectation on it that it was never meant to fulfill.

Just as I delight in my granddaughter Lilly and the joy she brings, I must also remind myself that she is not my ultimate joy; God is. The love we experience in our families is meant to point us back to the love of our Heavenly Father. When we keep God at the center, we can enjoy our families in the way He intended, with gratitude and proper perspective. Let us cherish our loved ones, invest in our marriages, and raise our children in faith, always remembering that they are gifts from God, not gods themselves.